The other day I sold another book! The first in one month. OK, I am not the world's sharpest salesman, but I do feel a little aggrieved in that my efforts to flog books are disproportionately high in relation to sales.
Take Amazon Marketing Services as an example. My first one week campaign has now finished. It was not showered in glory. My expeditionary force did not break through any well defended lines. No. They sort of wandered about a bit looking for the front then ran home when it started raining (bombs). After one week and 12,362 ads placed, I received 9 clicks and 0 spends for the grand total of 72 cents. It was worth the money just to be able to check in every day and feel like I was doing something.
I used 286 keywords. I would like to think the clicks were not by accident and I have something to work with. Just got to figure out why they took a look and said no!
My top five ad impressions were
- end of days 1,565
- joy 1,458
- magic 495
- tea 395
- memory 394
and the lowest of those which created an impression
- ambrosia 1
- animal rights 1
- magical powers 1
- starmen 0
- alien conspiracy 0
- aliens 67
- alien covenant 264
So what can I glean from these searches? End of days continued to remain high. People are catching on. On day three I added the word 'joy', which quickly soared ahead of most keywords except for end of days, both way ahead of their nearest rivals. I put this down to either a search for an antidote to our collective impending doom, or anticipation of the rapture. What to expect when the gates are flung open.
Next came magic, another later added keyword which soon overtook tea as a response to annihilation. Interestingly, magical powers only had one enquirer, suggesting people are looking for a miracle but consider it beyond their own abilities, or they do not want the responsibility. Memory? Now what was about to happen? Oh yes, were all about to be engulfed in a giant shit storm. Sorry, what did you say was about to happen…Oh yes..
Animals don't figure, unless they are in a pie. It's every man for himself (and the lady people). Aliens are around. Not starmen, that's so seventies. But now there are no conspiracies, we're hoping someone had the good sense to make some early agreement for when the fan stops working. Ambrosia? Who wants to live for eternity in a wasteland? One person apparently.
Yup. People waiting for the end are not interested in pink elephants. If only they realised. Still $0.72, that's £0.57 in real money. Thank you Amazon for my cheap laugh. Now, where did you say those customers are?
Turns out the laugh was on me. When Amazon marketing services went to collect their 72 cents something went wrong! I have no idea what, I am only the lowly customer. But they have cancelled any further campaigns until they can resolve the issue, which I now discover, also means my whole Amazon account is on hold! It has so far taken one week and their technical team seem no closer to resolving the issue.